After my FPU class last night I was talking to one of the ladies. I had previously said something about wanting to get our debt paid off before we have kids. She is a very sweet lady and was telling me that it's not always good to wait, that the bills will work themselves out, etc. I tend to get that reaction a lot when I do say something about wanting to pay off bills before kids but I don't know if I agree or not. I mean, I don't think that you'll ever be fully ready or be able to prepare for what parenthood will bring into your life, but I tend to think it would be much easier if you are in a position of not having debt dragging you down and stressing you out.
I am not one to share my innermost thoughts with many people, especially perfect strangers on the internet...but this has gotten me thinking today and I am going to go ahead here....
TB and I have been married for 7 years and pregnant two times. Both pregnancies ended in miscarriage. The first one was in 2002 and the second in 2003. Both times we really didn't plan in advance for the pregnancies...we just decided to see what would happen...and both times we got pregnant the first month of seeing what happened. The first pregnancy ended fairly quickly, because my body was not producing enough progesterone and the egg didn't stick to the wall of my uterus. It was devastating but we got over it fairly well. The second pregnancy, I was going to the ultrasound where they determine the sex of the baby and there was no heartbeat...so I was at 24 weeks. That one was so much more difficult because it lasted a lot longer and I had to go through the process of giving birth. Not an experience that I would wish on anybody.
Anyway, I say all that to say that I don't know whether I am using paying off debt as an excuse to not try again for kids or what. I guess in a way I am because for the last two years I would always tell people we'd try for kids once TB gets out of school (he started the Fire Academy in 2004 and has been going through all these classes ever since) . Now, TB is getting out of school at the end of the month and I am saying that we will try once the debt is paid off. I know that it is smart to get the debt paid off and have no payments when you have kids...especially because my dream situation would be to stay home with my children and that not be a financial nightmare.
TB and I do talk on occasion about this subject. He agrees that we need to pay off debt before we go ahead with trying again.
Babies
April 12th, 2007 at 07:28 am
April 12th, 2007 at 07:40 am
April 12th, 2007 at 07:55 am
My point is: sounds like you and DH have a plan that will work for you and you know that your heading the right direction. You had painful experiences, but you have learned from those. People will always have opinions about what your going to do.
I will say that even with the best planning, things come up. But I've found that we've been able to handle everything that has come our way. I'm a religious person so I believe God has a plan for each and everyone of us. Sorry to add that if your not a spiritual person. Best of luck to you.
April 12th, 2007 at 07:56 am
April 12th, 2007 at 08:44 am
Of course, with all you have been through probably makes it harder to wait. I am so sorry for your losses. Loss like that is all the more reason to start sooner. You don't know how many people I know who it took years to have a viable pregnancy. So though I valued careful planning and all that, I see a lot of people who waited too long. It is a fine line. But I certainly wouldn't underscore the importance of financial security before kids, especially since you are young and sounds like you will get there soon.
But I agree all the same, these things tend to work themselves out - life often decides for you. Trust your gut and it will work out in the long run.
April 12th, 2007 at 12:50 pm
Life happens as it happens, and nothing wrong with aiming for debt free or school, or even no kids.
Do it your way, IMO there is no 'wrong choice' on when to have kids really (ok there is underage issues, but I doubt you have those
Though yes you will prolly never be at the 'perfect' financial standing, so what, when you decide the risk is worth it, go for it, and if you never do, not a bad thing. No such thing as 'waited to long' IMO, unless you feel the burning need to pursue billion dollar fertility treatments to correct simple nature..in which case waiting for financial security backfired! (if you are in the low fertility age, please consider adoption, often cheaper and that kid is already here waiting for love.)
April 12th, 2007 at 01:07 pm